Big Deep Breaths
I can’t remember life before I had to take them all the time. Trying to get to the top of a breath throughout the day is such an interruption in productivity. Something so innate and thoughtless becomes a necessary focus and all of a sudden priorities get pushed aside for breathing. I actually have to stop whatever I am doing and focus on trying to breathe. I hate it.
But, it reminds me that I am not in control, and there are certain times in life when we must all be reminded that we are not in control and that our world is broken; namely we are broken. Seems like an odd position that the Lord would have us? Seems like He would want me confident and sure of my steps. Not true and not in keeping with the gospel. He wants me confident of Him and His ability to direct my steps, but not in control of them.
So visually I am getting this picture of being patient enough to let my step-dad come all the way around the car to open the door for me, something he insists on doing even though I have always fought him on it. I am a practical girl (and for some reason always in a hurry) and perfectly capable of opening a car door without a man. That’s just the point. I am capable, and impatience finds great company in independence.
I have always found strength in being a “mover and a shaker.” Yet, in this season, God would have me be still and know that He is God-and I am not. He doesn’t want me movin’ or shakin’ anything or anybody. He wants me recognizing my need for Him to move and shake on my behalf and patiently waiting on him to take my hand and help me outta the car. He is a gentleman, not at all in a hurry and completely at ease to saunter if He feels like it. ( Yes, Bob, you saunter 🙂
If I jump in and try to do my own “fixin'” I will altar the outcomes, and it will be less than He intends for me. In the present, I might say, “Ah, it is handled; now I can check that off my list and go about my day.” Yet in reality, I have added something that likely will need “fixin'” because it wasn’t God’s plan; thus I just broke it further. So, instead of forging ahead, movin’ and shakin’ stuff outta my way and off my day, I would find better company to wait…pray… and wait; then the view will come into focus, and I will clearly see where to step next. Big deep breaths get easier to climb to the top of when we stop moving to take them, and it is as He intends even when it is still broken. And I find great peace for slowing down and letting the Man take my hand and help me outta the car. (dedicated to Bob Goode, one of the most gentlemanly men I have ever known)